Wallowing in the Muck

Posted on January 18, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , |

The Law of Attraction.  Positive Thinking.  Sharing the love and shining the light.  All wonderful, powerful and uplifting thoughts.  But what about those days when you get out of bed crabby and no matter what you do, you just can’t shake that feeling?  My spiritual journey has been one of awakening – opening my eyes to the power I have to create my experience.  I accept, believe and own that mantle of responsibility.  Even still, some things catch me off guard.  Yesterday was one of those days.

I even know what triggered the mood.  My son broke a brand new digital camera.  He didn’t apologize.  He didn’t even completely own that he broke it.  He dropped it and his assessment was that “it’s possible that it’s my fault.”  Ya think?!

My husband became furious, but he completely bottled it up.  Being near him felt a little like sitting on a volcano and wondering when it was going to erupt.  This bottled anger found a release when he started lamenting about our financial situation, a frustrating and overwhelming topic – one with no quick or easy answers.

So I got stuck!  I felt frustrated by my son’s carelessness and my husband’s decision to not make my son replace the broken camera with his own money.  I sunk deeper into the muck as I considered that he didn’t support my desire to allow natural consequences teach my son what could be a valuable lesson.  Not only that, but since I used my credit card points to buy the camera in the first place, I felt like it was my loss by not having the camera replaced.  Heck, I could have spent those points on something I wanted rather than on something for the kids or the family.  The muck just got deeper.

Wallowing in this frustration, unable to shift to a more loving and better feeling place, I brought up more things to feel frustrated about.  I thought of the friend who apparently only needs me when something in her life seems broken.  The muck got deeper.

I tried to step out of it and away from it by shopping.  That didn’t really help.  I took the dogs for a long walk.  The fresh air and exercise let in glimpses of a better feeling place, but they didn’t completely chase the blues away.

Music.  Reaching out to friends.  A good night’s sleep.  More music.  Caring comments from loving friends.  And today the muck is mostly gone.

It’s tough though, I’ll tell you, to reach for that higher feeling place when the muck is sucking at your feet, holding you firmly in place.   Sometimes we just have to acknowledge that “Yes, Indeed, we’re stuck in the muck!”

I think it helps to be kind when we find ourselves stuck like this.  Certainly, berating ourselves for feeling what we are or giving ourselves messages that we “should” be feeling something else only adds power to the hold that the muck already has.  Some days, we just need to allow ourselves to experience whatever it is that we find ourselves feeling.

I’ll be the first to admit that wallowing in the muck with feelings of frustration, inadequacy and angst is not a fun place to be.  However, aren’t these feelings too part of our human experience?  To deny part of our nature tends to negate the rest of it too.  So rather than deny – allow.  Sometimes the quickest way past something is forging straight through it.

Once on the other side – in an hour, a day or a couple days – we can look back to see what gift this experience offers us.  It’s always there – some reason to be grateful that we allowed ourselves time to just be in the muck.  What gift did you find?

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3 Responses to “Wallowing in the Muck”

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Refreshing honesty, relatability and deep appreciation for sharing your life journey~ thank you!

you have a beautiful way with words…easy…down to earth…i’m really proud of you.

Thank so much for you thoughts and comments. After re-reading that post, I realize how much of me I’m laying on the line. Feels vulnerable. Yet, it also feels real and true.

Thanks for your support.

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