When bad things happen…

Posted on January 21, 2011. Filed under: Spiritual Awakening | Tags: , , , |

Sometimes in life, we come face to face with situations or circumstances that exceed our present ability to make sense out of them.  Abuse can often fall into this category.  How can such evil exist?  How can one person possibly hurt a child in such a way as to sexually abuse them??  Why do such things happen?!

As a childhood survivor of sexual abuse myself, I can maybe add some thoughts to help make sense of such tragic experiences. It is true that every experience simply IS, as Theos has said. It is we, as humans, who add the value judgment onto each one – this is good (desirable), this is bad (evil, negative). I’m not dismissing the significance of experiencing abuse – not at all, but it IS a great source of opportunity. However, in our ego-based reality, one is not given much outward support to navigate through such experiences, especially at the time of their occurrence. We’re often forced to move through them in silence (adding power to the secret of it all) which only intensifies the loneliness, blame, guilt and rage.

While not condoning such behavior, it must be true that somehow we are in alignment vibrationally or otherwise this  would not exist within our sphere of experience.  I like to think of it that it has given me opportunities to experience intense emotions that I might not otherwise know first-hand. I firmly believe that in Spirit (and consequently in our physical reality) there are no victims. We come having made choices, many “forgotten”, but choices nonetheless. And if abuse has been part of my experience, then that was “set up” at some level (definitely not consciously) to afford certain opportunities.

Someone once explained it to me like this:
Imagine that you are in Spirit, making preparations to come into this incarnation. You’re surrounded by your soul family, your guides – all of your heavenly helpers – everyone who is helping you to make plans for this lifetime. Now say that you’ve decided that you want to experience Forgiveness on a grand scale. On a scale of 1 to 10, you’ve decided to go all the way – and you want to experience a Level 10 Forgiveness. So what would it take to give you that experience? From a human perspective, it would probably have to be something monumental: the death/loss of a child, abuse at the hands of a loved one, murder, mayhem. Something BIG, right?
Now you turn to your soul family who loves you beyond measure, who wants for you everything that you aspire for yourself, and you ask, “Who among you is willing to help me experience a Level 10 Forgiveness?” Slowly, everyone drops their eyes – surely you will not ask THEM to be the one to create this experience for you, knowing that it will more than likely cost them your love in this lifetime. Even though this lifetime is but a blip of time – your family doesn’t want to lose your love for even that short of a window. Who among this group of loving soul family members will be the “bad guy” for you? Finally, one steps forward and says, “I’ll do it. I’ll help you to have this experience because I love you so much, and I want you to have everything that you desire.”

So now this opportunity exists to move through all of the feelings, emotions (energy in motion), and challenges that such an experience creates. While the feelings can be difficult, they ARE navigable. Fortunately, once the silence is broken, there ARE resources to help understand and process the feelings (which can be incredibly intense) that come up as a result of something like this. There are other people (perhaps unfortunately) who have experienced similar things and who can help lead you to the other side – where, honestly, things don’t look as bleak as they do right now.

I share these thoughts in hopes that if you too have experienced something like this, or know someone who has, and are struggling through the emotional tempest created, perhaps you will find solace in reaching for a different perspective.  I will hold you in the loving Light where again you will recognize and know your wholeness – which has not been marred in any way by any experiences you’ve had. Your divinity holds you as creator of all, part of All That Is – and from that place, once again, you will know that ALL IS WELL.

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Walking Between Two Worlds

Posted on September 19, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Have you ever been somewhere – for the first time even – and felt an overwhelming connection to the place?  Did you feel your heart swell and your Spirit soar simply from being there?  Did you experience an illogical sense of coming home, of being able to navigate streets with only minimal directions, of being comfortable even though you’ve never been there before?  I have – and that place is Salt Lake City, Utah.

To me, Salt Lake City is a place that fills me up and makes my heart sing.  It is a place filled with magic, discovery and awe.  It is a place that speaks to my Soul, and I love what it’s saying!

My love affair with SLC began a few years ago.  I first visited the city to exhibit at a huge scrapbooking expo.  Immediately, I was struck by the majestic vistas that surround the city.  Everywhere I looked, I saw the magnificent mountains flanking the valley in which SLC quietly sits.  The city itself is laid out on a grid of streets centered on the Temple of the Mormon Church – a beautiful piece of architecture replete with spires and towers reaching towards the heavens with an almost fairy-tale castle appearance.

In the years since my first visit to SLC, I’ve been blessed by the friendship of a very dear woman.  We share a bond and a friendship that transcends the boundaries of time, for certainly we’ve known each other before.  We’re here now together to support the discovery and exploration of an even greater aspect of ourselves.  We’re sharing this pivotal experience of awakening to our true natures, to our intimate connection to Source, to God.

It was in SLC that I experienced my first psychic reading with a man who has played another pivotal role in my relationship to SLC.  Ross is a gifted psychic, tarot card reader and life coach, and it is always a joy for me to see him, as we’ve done each time I return to this beloved place.  From the beginning, Ross supported my interest in my psychic inclinations, confirming my suspicions that I am “one of us,” as he put it.

My last two visits to SLC involved an 18+ hour drive each way.  Instead of being drained and tired by the endless hours behind the wheel, my spirit soared higher and higher the closer I got to SLC.  The terrain gradually became more mountainous the further west I drove.  It looked barren, but only to the casual observer.  On closer inspection, I began to see the wildlife that abounds in the open expanses of Wyoming.  Coyote, pronghorn antelope, even elk, roam freely over the open range.  Each glimpse of wildlife left me feeling like I’d been given a gift – a chance to share in the secrets held dear to Mother Earth.  And my spirit began to expand, just as the vista opened farther and farther until I felt like I was driving across the top of the world.  The magic had begun.

My latest visit to SLC held even more surprises and magic than I’d come to expect from each trip.  As always, my energy was high, my mood joyous.  Arriving at my friend’s house, I announced only half-jokingly, “Honey, I’m home!”  Though we’d not talked much over the past year, our friendship picked up right where we’d left it – the time-lapse was inconsequential.  She opens her home unconditionally to me, including me in her family as if I’ve always been a part of it – as indeed it feels I have.  She is but one part of my strong connection to this wondrous place.

The most amazing part of this trip will always feel magical to me.  Something inside me was ignited – a flame, a passion that has long lain dormant.  This passion burst forth and completely rocked my world.  If I thought I knew a passion for life before, it was pale in comparison to this newfound one!  I’m awed, humbled and amazed by the depth of this feeling.  And while it’s new, it is also familiar – like a part of me that has been locked away for years.

This experience colored all of the rest of my trip with even brighter lights and bolder colors – for surely now anything was truly possible!  What a gift!  And how fitting that it was SLC that offered it to me.

Added to the magic I’d already experienced on this trip were even more surprises as I listened to and participated in an audio training course during my drive home.  The audio course was on accessing the Akashic Records – vibrational records of each soul and its journey through all of time.  Even though part of my attention was occupied by driving, the rest of me was free to cross the boundaries of time and space to experience parts of myself from times long past.  I found answers to questions about horrible events in this lifetime and gained an understanding about integrating these lessons.  I found peace and forgiveness.

Eventually, I returned home, to this place I live and the family I love.  But nothing can ever be the same because my life has been touched, because I returned home a different person.  How does one touch the heavens and then again walk the earth?

So now I endeavor to integrate the magic I experienced in SLC into my everyday life – and I feel as if I’m walking between two worlds.  I still feel the power of this magical experience, this amazing trip to SLC.  I have only to close my eyes to once again relive the power of it all.  Part of me wants to stay there in the magic.  But then I open my eyes and I want to bring that magic into my everyday world.  Somehow I’ll find a way to do just that!

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Moving On

Posted on April 24, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

Relationships serve many purposes in our lives.  Some people come into our lives for a particular purpose, and when that purpose is fulfilled, the relationship ends.  Personally, I’ve experienced this twice in the past few years in relation to my business.  Even though I can truly see and understand that these relationships filled a specific need in my life, answered a specific prayer, I still struggled to release them when their purpose had obviously been served.

Through time, I slowly moved on, finding new experiences and new people to fill my life.  With the perspective that hind-sight affords, I see just how perfectly these relationships answered my prayers at those times and when my needs or direction changed, the relationships dissolved.

Letting them go is still hard for me.  And it’s harder still when I’m still engaged in the relationship to determine whether it’s truly time to let it go and move on.

I’m in the middle of another of those “Moving On” situations.  This relationship is personal, not business related, and that makes the waters muddier for me.  The clear distinction of having fulfilled its purpose is not there – at least it’s not clear to me.

This relationship has provided lessons for me about my soul’s purpose, growth, and boundaries.  While it has helped me to clarify what I’m about and the gifts and talents I have to offer others, it has also shown me where I still have to grow in loving and accepting myself.  Now I’ve come to a place where the relationship creates a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding and being taken advantage of.  Knowing that life is but a reflection of what I’m putting out there, I see that I am the one overlooking my needs.  I am the one who is giving to the point of being resentful and feeling taken advantage of.  I am the one responsible for ignoring my personal boundaries and neglecting my needs.  I am the one who has chosen to remain silent and not voice my feelings and needs.

I accept fully my responsibility in creating this situation which now gives me the opportunity to take care of myself.  It has become clear that I cannot continue to participate in this relationship without feeling my resentment.  It’s time for me to walk away.

Why does that feel like a failure at some level?  I hear messages like, “If you were the better person, you wouldn’t let the relationship get under your skin.  You’d just take it for what it is.”  That may be true – for some goal to work towards, for some more forgiving and understanding place to live from.  But to “should” myself for where I am right now and how I feel right now also feels like a disservice.

The best I can do it to authentically express and live from where I am right now.  So for today, I resolve to forgive myself for not being more accepting.  I forgive the other participant in this relationship for the hurt I’ve felt.  Actually, I feel grateful to this person for teaching me more about who I am.

Perhaps that was the whole point from the beginning.

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