I’m moving out of the neighborhood…

Posted on March 6, 2011. Filed under: Spiritual Awakening | Tags: , , , |

My lease is up.  And I’ve made the momentous decision not to renew it.  Now, while I haven’t lived permanently in the neighborhood, I have kept a place here for a long time – accommodating unexpected visits and overnight stays.  But I’m through.  The neighborhood is falling apart, and I am so done keeping even a temporary residence here.

Are you familiar with my neighborhood?  Maybe you even have a temporary residence here too.  At the very least, I’m sure you’ve driven past and seen the sign at the entrance.  It reads “VictimHood.”  Do you know it?

The landlords are obviously upset with my decision to move on.  They like to keep the houses and apartments full here.  And since there’s usually a waiting list to get into the ‘hood, it has never been difficult for them to keep the neighborhood full.  But times are changing.  Maybe you’ve noticed that too.

People are getting restless.  My neighbors were just talking the other day on how they’re planning to make some changes themselves.  They realize that they DO have choices, and they plan to implement those changes soon.  The landlords are going to have a fit about that too.

See?  The landlords here like to have everyone believe that the tenants of the ‘hood have no where else to go, that they won’t be welcome in any other neighborhood – or that there is no room in any other neighborhood.  But my neighbors are beginning to see through those arguments.  They’ve felt the need to take some control back in their lives – to spruce the place up with some color and texture of their own choosing, and the landlords are livid.  Because the rule in the neighborhood is that “You have NO choice.”  The landlords tell everyone that life is unfair and these things just happen to you.  There’s nothing that you can do about them.

Ah, but the landlords are wrong.  And they even know they’re wrong, but they wouldn’t stay in business very long if that became common knowledge, would they?  So the landlords perpetuate the myth that the tenants have no other option but to stay here.

So, I’ve told my next door neighbors that I’m moving out.  I’m tired of feeling out of control.  It’s true that I can’t control what happens in my life, but I most certainly CAN control what I think and then feel about it.  I can see life as an amazing adventure full of opportunities to identify what I don’t want and make it into what I DO want.  I can appreciate the amazing people who I’ve met along my travels, the amazing friends who are traveling with me.

I can see the things that go wrong in my life as chances to make changes and create new things that I do want.  I can see life as the mirror that it is, showing me those parts of myself that move me closer to God and those parts of me that make me feel separated from God.

The key, it has occurred to me, is to view life with a slight impersonal detachment, as if I’m watching a movie that I’m both starring in and directing at the same time.  It’s tricky to play both of those roles, but one thing is for certain.  I have NO chance of doing that if I stay in VictimHood.  There’s no room for those kinds of choices here.

So I’m moving out.  I’m even thinking of tearing down my house – leaving one less place for someone else to move into.  Eventually I know that the whole neighborhood will be torn down and replaced with a brighter, newer neighborhood.  Maybe it’ll be called ConsciousLiving or FreeChoice.  In any case, I am SO done with VictimHood that I can’t leave fast enough.

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Moving On

Posted on April 24, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

Relationships serve many purposes in our lives.  Some people come into our lives for a particular purpose, and when that purpose is fulfilled, the relationship ends.  Personally, I’ve experienced this twice in the past few years in relation to my business.  Even though I can truly see and understand that these relationships filled a specific need in my life, answered a specific prayer, I still struggled to release them when their purpose had obviously been served.

Through time, I slowly moved on, finding new experiences and new people to fill my life.  With the perspective that hind-sight affords, I see just how perfectly these relationships answered my prayers at those times and when my needs or direction changed, the relationships dissolved.

Letting them go is still hard for me.  And it’s harder still when I’m still engaged in the relationship to determine whether it’s truly time to let it go and move on.

I’m in the middle of another of those “Moving On” situations.  This relationship is personal, not business related, and that makes the waters muddier for me.  The clear distinction of having fulfilled its purpose is not there – at least it’s not clear to me.

This relationship has provided lessons for me about my soul’s purpose, growth, and boundaries.  While it has helped me to clarify what I’m about and the gifts and talents I have to offer others, it has also shown me where I still have to grow in loving and accepting myself.  Now I’ve come to a place where the relationship creates a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding and being taken advantage of.  Knowing that life is but a reflection of what I’m putting out there, I see that I am the one overlooking my needs.  I am the one who is giving to the point of being resentful and feeling taken advantage of.  I am the one responsible for ignoring my personal boundaries and neglecting my needs.  I am the one who has chosen to remain silent and not voice my feelings and needs.

I accept fully my responsibility in creating this situation which now gives me the opportunity to take care of myself.  It has become clear that I cannot continue to participate in this relationship without feeling my resentment.  It’s time for me to walk away.

Why does that feel like a failure at some level?  I hear messages like, “If you were the better person, you wouldn’t let the relationship get under your skin.  You’d just take it for what it is.”  That may be true – for some goal to work towards, for some more forgiving and understanding place to live from.  But to “should” myself for where I am right now and how I feel right now also feels like a disservice.

The best I can do it to authentically express and live from where I am right now.  So for today, I resolve to forgive myself for not being more accepting.  I forgive the other participant in this relationship for the hurt I’ve felt.  Actually, I feel grateful to this person for teaching me more about who I am.

Perhaps that was the whole point from the beginning.

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