Why are you here?

Posted on June 10, 2015. Filed under: Spiritual Practice | Tags: , , , |

Why are you here? Do you ever ask yourself this question? Do you ever wonder what the point of all of this is? I do. A lot.

And through time, my answers to these questions have changed. For many years, I focused solely on having and raising a family. I can remember when nothing else seemed to matter BUT this.

Now, as my kids are getting older and more independent, I find myself answering these questions much differently. Now my focus, my purpose has become about expressing ME to the fullest extent possible. It’s become about BEING happy. My purpose has become about aligning with the very best version of ME that I can be – utilizing ALL that I am, connecting to All That Is.

In the process of all of this, I’m learning so much! I’m learning to let go of all of that “monkey mind” chatter that used to fill my headspace and make me crazy. All of those voices about not being enough or doing enough or needing to control everything and everyone around me to feel safe are slowly receding into the background. I’m learning that every experience that I’ve had has contributed to Who I’ve Become – and that makes every single one valuable to me. And perhaps, one of the greatest discoveries of all is that I am learning that I AM WHOLE. I’m not broken like I once thought – and as some people still see me. I have everything I need to feel complete within myself.

Yet, life is about relationships. Everything is relational. The relationship between Me and ME, between me and my friends, family, kids. It is in these contextual relationships that I play out my WHOLE-ness, my COMPLETE-ness. And from this place of being centered in my Being, I am free to choose which direction to go, which relationships to continue and which to leave. I get to choose. And every choice will bring me yet more information through which I can continue to grow and expand into an even deeper loving relationship between Me and All That Is.

Oh, isn’t life grand?!

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Moving On

Posted on April 24, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

Relationships serve many purposes in our lives.  Some people come into our lives for a particular purpose, and when that purpose is fulfilled, the relationship ends.  Personally, I’ve experienced this twice in the past few years in relation to my business.  Even though I can truly see and understand that these relationships filled a specific need in my life, answered a specific prayer, I still struggled to release them when their purpose had obviously been served.

Through time, I slowly moved on, finding new experiences and new people to fill my life.  With the perspective that hind-sight affords, I see just how perfectly these relationships answered my prayers at those times and when my needs or direction changed, the relationships dissolved.

Letting them go is still hard for me.  And it’s harder still when I’m still engaged in the relationship to determine whether it’s truly time to let it go and move on.

I’m in the middle of another of those “Moving On” situations.  This relationship is personal, not business related, and that makes the waters muddier for me.  The clear distinction of having fulfilled its purpose is not there – at least it’s not clear to me.

This relationship has provided lessons for me about my soul’s purpose, growth, and boundaries.  While it has helped me to clarify what I’m about and the gifts and talents I have to offer others, it has also shown me where I still have to grow in loving and accepting myself.  Now I’ve come to a place where the relationship creates a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding and being taken advantage of.  Knowing that life is but a reflection of what I’m putting out there, I see that I am the one overlooking my needs.  I am the one who is giving to the point of being resentful and feeling taken advantage of.  I am the one responsible for ignoring my personal boundaries and neglecting my needs.  I am the one who has chosen to remain silent and not voice my feelings and needs.

I accept fully my responsibility in creating this situation which now gives me the opportunity to take care of myself.  It has become clear that I cannot continue to participate in this relationship without feeling my resentment.  It’s time for me to walk away.

Why does that feel like a failure at some level?  I hear messages like, “If you were the better person, you wouldn’t let the relationship get under your skin.  You’d just take it for what it is.”  That may be true – for some goal to work towards, for some more forgiving and understanding place to live from.  But to “should” myself for where I am right now and how I feel right now also feels like a disservice.

The best I can do it to authentically express and live from where I am right now.  So for today, I resolve to forgive myself for not being more accepting.  I forgive the other participant in this relationship for the hurt I’ve felt.  Actually, I feel grateful to this person for teaching me more about who I am.

Perhaps that was the whole point from the beginning.

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